Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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