yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
