why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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