yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
