Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
