Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
