your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
