Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
