Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
