i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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