Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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