Where did you get a picture of my penis
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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