I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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