Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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