drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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