East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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