I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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