Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
