I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
