Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
