my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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