OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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