just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
