dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize