Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
