i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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