If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
