if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize