so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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