Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
