This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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