My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
