words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
