What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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