the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
