Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
