Its about making memories worth repressing
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
