Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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