just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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