i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
