that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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