so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
