OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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