She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
