it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
