Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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