I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Duck Duck Cougar?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
