my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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