i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i will never coherently bang her
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
