i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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