i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
