I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Girls should come with a carfax report
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
