Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
