I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize