Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
