Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
