I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
