Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
