I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
