Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
