Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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