This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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