can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I will pee on everything he values.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
