This is not my ceiling
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
