I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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