how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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