she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
