Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
