if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
