he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
