Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
