I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
In America we eat man semen.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
