Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
