Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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