Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
