We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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