we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize