so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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