I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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