Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
