Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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