Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize