im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
