I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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