Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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