your parents love me but you hate me
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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