Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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