Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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