its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
