In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
being pregnant is like rehab
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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